18 weeks

So these past few days have been really hard.
I got a call last Wednesday from my OBGYN's office telling me that the test for down syndrome came back positive. They told me not to worry too much because it is not a diagnosis, it is just a screening test, so they don't know for sure; however I needed to see the genetic counselor and have a detailed sonogram of the babies at the Clinic for High Risk Pregnancies (I am high risk because of my age = 36 and because of the fact that I am having twins). Needless to say, I was devastated.
They scheduled my appointment for the 13th (yesterday), so for a week I stressed about the fact that something may be wrong with the babies. It was awful. I felt like I had this huge weigh on my chest and I felt sick to my stomach at all times. I didn't even gained any weight this past week...
Anyway, so I went for the scan, with tears in my eyes and feeling so scared to find out something was wrong in there. My husband couldn't get out of work, which made things even worse to my state of mind. The genetics counselor was very nice. She explained how they came up with the numbers they did (after getting my blood tests), and why I was at a higher risk. The number I got was 1:165 chance that the babies have DS. She said that for my age, they consider the risk of a woman having a baby with DS was 1:82 (she showed me the chart), so after my blood tests came back with certain protein levels abnormal, they come up with a new risk value. In my case the risk actually went down (1:165 chance) but still higher than the median which is 1:270. So I had to get the sonogram of the babies, and then I had to make a decision based on that whether or not to have amniocentesis done. I am scared of the fact that amniocentesis has a 1 in 200 chance of ending up in miscarriage. I don't even want to think about that, so I knew I would decline it even after the scan wasn't normal.
So doctor saw the babies, they looked at their heart, their kidneys, stomach, lungs, brain, they measured their legs, their arms, their heads, their spine. The scan took about an hour. After the scan the doctor said that he didn't see anything abnormal with the babies anatomy but that the scan doesn't give you 100% accuracy of a negative DS result, and that the only thing I could do to have 100% assurance that the babies are ok, is to have amniocentesis done. I remembered that the scan I had done at 12 weeks where the nuchal translucency screening came back normal so I decided to just leave it at that. I was happy knowing they were ok and I have huge faith in God that the babies will be just perfect when they are born. And even if the babies have some sort of problem, I wouldn't terminate this pregnancy and I would love them just as much when they are born. After all, God doesn't give you something you cannot handle. I keep praying...

So the fun part of the scan, besides seeing my babies, was that we found out what we are having: the scan revealed that we are having 2 BOYS!!!!!!

We are so happy!!! Husband was thrilled when he found out :) we couldn't be more blessed! <3

no scan last week :( what's up with that?? :(

Babies are fine: heart beat was loud and clear, measurements good, I "look" fine (as fine as I'm going to look for a 17 week pregnant with twins woman :-) ) but I didn't get to see my bambinos :-( so I have to wait until they call me to set up an appointment that will hopefully be for next week (hopefully).
I will be reporting soon!!
hugs and thanks for reading :-)

<3

waiting for my next scan

Hello!

We have been busy looking for a new home in South FL. We need a home that is large enough to have people come and visit often, and we want to keep under budget, so we are still "homeless" for the time being.
I can't wait for my next scan! 24 hours now. I keep praying that everything is ok in there. Hopefully we'll find out the sex of the babies and start looking for names :) so exciting!
I've been feeling pretty good, I think I sleep a bit better now that I have my huge pillow to sleep with. My husband kind of hates it becasue it takes too much space (he says) and I notice he tries to take it from me from time to time during the night lol.

I have started reading to the little ones, and trying to sing every now and then (I have an awful voice and cannot sing to save my life). I am also reading about the pregnancy and what to expect during the delivery.

On the fun side, we are going to Key West for the weekend :) Hubby has never been and I've only been there once, so we are having a little get away to focus on us and not on all the craziness of moving to a new state (drivers license, car registrations, insurance, new doctors, NEW HOUSE!)

Anyway, I will upload a picture after tomorrow's scan! hopefully I will have time to do it tomorrow but if not I will do it next week, promise!

Happy November!

14 weeks!

I can't believe I've made it this far! I am so grateful that everything is going well. I am enjoying being pregnant and now that I am past the 1st tri I feel more calm. When I was 13 weeks (actually 12 and 6 days) we went to have the NT scan, so we got to see both babies. It was the best feeling ever! I can't believe this is happening (finally) after so many heart breaks we are finally blessed with these beautiful babies. I keep praying everyday that they grow healthy and strong, that's all that matters to me now.
So here is a picture if the scan. Next appointment is on November 2nd

These are my babies. I got to see them on Tuesday. Heartbeat was normal for both of them: 168 and 166. They are so tiny I'm still very afraid that something bad is going to happen. I'm so happy they are OK though. I tell them everyday to keep growing strong and healthy and that I love them very much. <3

Morning sickness has been bad this week. Every day I've had some level of nausea and twice I've gotten sick and was not able to hold down my meal. Last weekend I had this headache that lasted 4 days... not fun. Today I'm feeling OK (knock on wood). I've figured that I get less sick if my stomach is constantly full... so even when I'm not hungry I have to put something in there.
As my mother says: "the sacrifices of being a mom!" :-) I take it though, for these little beans, I'll do anything!

I was released from my Fertility Specialist and my first OBGYN appointment is on Tuesday. I'll be 9 weeks and 3 days then :-)

one week and counting

I have "only" one more week for my ultra sound. I'm getting more nervous than ever. I pray constantly that my babies are OK, I know everything is out of my control, so praying helps me feel better. I try to be rational and stay positive, yet I know that at this stage of the game, many things can go wrong. I'm just scared.
These past weeks have been very long in terms of waiting. This last week will be the slowest of them all. I do have morning sickness from time to time. I haven't actually thrown up (only once) but I feel nauseous and queasy, especially if I don't eat every 3 hours. I hope this are good symptoms that everything is going well.

my off the record OBGYN exam at 6 weeks

Today I went for my annual pap smear test. I went to see a new OBGYN because we moved last fall and I did't feel like driving 45 minutes to go see my old OBGYN. So I told the new doctor that I am 6 weeks pregnant but I was not released from my FS, so I couldn't get any "pregnancy related" tests done. She was a bit surprised that I had to wait for another 2 weeks to see what was going on, so she asked me if I was anxious to know. Of course I said: yes!!, so she did an ultra sound off the record, just to give me some peace of mind. She did advise me that it may be a little too soon to see anything, so I was kind of getting prepared. The doctor first did a pelvic ultra sound and we could see the two sacs with a little bean inside each! I was so happy! still scared/nervous, but so happy that I got to see the little ones. Then we waited to do a vaginal us. We saw the two babies with little tiny heartbeats! it was so cool! So she said that it's still early and I have to wait to see how everything progresses, but that seeing what we saw it's a good start. I don't have any official record of the us or anything but at least I got to see my babies. I'm so happy!! God bless my new doctor!! :-)

3rd and last beta and some more waiting to do...

You would think that I am used to it by now. The waiting game. First you wait to start IVF (in my case I had to wait 3 weeks for a cyst to go away), then you wait for follicles to grow, then you wait until they are mature enough, wait to find out your E2 levels, then you wait for the trigger, then for the retrieval, then you wait for eggs to fertilize, then wait to see if there are any to freeze, then you wait for 2 weeks for first beta, wait for second, wait for third, wait for ultra sound!! arghh!!! and that's without counting all the waiting we had to do since we started TTC (over 2 years)

I went for my 3rd and last beta today. The numbers came back great: 2,931. So now we have to wait (yes, wait some more) until September 4th for my first ultrasound.... it seems like an eternity!!! :-( other ladies have had theirs so much sooner than that. I would be about 8 weeks pregnant. I would just want to get reassured that everything is going fine in there.
I guess all I can do is take care of myself and keep praying.

Off I go now, to try to focus at work... I won't promise I won't drive myself crazy reading lots of literature about diet, baby growing, things that could go wrong.. etc. But really, can you blame me? I have to seriously find a way to distract myself... hmmm.... sigh

First Beta

Sorry for not updating!! Husband and I went to FL to look for homes during the weekend. We are thinking about moving in the fall, so we were very busy. We just got back today at 2:00 am, and very tired from the long trip. This morning I was half asleep driving to get my beta done.

So, the tests confirmed it: we are pregnant!!!! finally! :) the beta number was 454 and the nurse said that was a good number :) I have to stop taking the estrogen pills (which scares me....) but continue on progesterone gel. Next beta is on Wednesday. I hope the number gets better and better.... please little one(s), keep growing strong and healthy! please!!!

2WW sucks!

Today I'm 7dp3dt. The wait is torture. I don't have any symptoms except my sore boobs. I wonder if I'm supposed to feel anything, but I don't. It just feels like I could be getting my period soon. I've been searching the web for information on when is the best time to test for pregnancy. One girl had said on her blog that if you test too soon you could either be heartbroken because of a false negative or you could be wondering if the faint positive you'll get is due to the HCG hormone still lingering in your system. It's a lose lose situation. So I am really doing my best not to test. It's killing me!! I think this whole process is so out of one's control, that makes us go nuts. The earliest I told myself I'll test is Friday.... but I don't know if I can hold on until then. Hmmmm to POAS or not to POAS....
I can't believe I still have O N E - W H O L E - W E E K to get my beta. What should I do to keep myself busy? I know! I could try to concentrate at work! blah! that's impossible.... I can focus my attention for 5 minutes and then I find myself wondering around the web, trying to read about success IVF stories.... this is so much harder than I though.

Oh, I also have to give an update about my left over embryos. Well, the clinic called me and told me that none of the embryos survived day 5 so we had nothing left to freeze. :-( I was pretty heart broken. I am praying so hard that the ones they transferred are well tucked in my uterus by now. Please God, take care of my babies!!

Anyway, I'll try to stay busy and away from those pregnancy tests as long as I can.... wish me luck! ;-)

back from transfer

Our transfer was scheduled for 1:45 pm, so we arrived at 12:45 pm. I started drinking my water, because they say that it's better to have a full bladder for the transfer. They got me all prepared and I was sitting on my comfy recliner chair by 1:00 pm, and so I continued to drink my water. DH also got ready with his scrubs (he looked so handsome:-) ) and hair net and mask. by 1:45 pm I had a pretty full bladder and there was no sign of the doctor yet. A doctor was supposed to come by to tell us how many embryos there were and what was going to happen. Also the embryologist had to stop by... 2:15 pm... nothing. I was about to explode. I asked one of the nurses how much longer it would be. She said "sorry we are running late, it'll be 10 more minutes" so I decided (nurse said it was OK) to half empty my bladder. I was afraid to pee too much, so I probably only emptied it 1/4 lol. Once the doctor came to talk to us I wanted to pee again, but I decided to hold it.... after all, it was only another 20 minutes (transfer only takes about 5 minutes and then they make you lay on your back for about 10 minutes. The transfer itself was pretty good. I didn't feel too bad cramps or sore. They transferred 2 embryos back and told us they will let us know how the other 3 are doing on Thursday so that we know how many they'll freeze.

This is the picture they gave us of the two embryos they transferred. It's so weird, but I already love them so much and just want the best for them!



Pregnancy test (first beta) is scheduled for August 6th. It's going to feel like an eternity!!! 

Egg retrieval and results

We had our egg retrieval on Saturday morning. We had to arrive 1 hour before our appointment. Once we arrived the nurses started preparing me, signing more forms, IV with antibiotic, and husbands sperm "donation" ;-)  By this time, my ovaries felt so swollen, that it was hard to walk. It was also hard to pee. Once they took me in for the retrieval I was ready. The operation room was pretty intimidating. I got myself in position, and with the help of the nurses, hanged my legs up in the air. Before I could think twice, the oxygen mask was on and they said I would be sleeping in no time. I closed my eyes and was gone!
I woke up back on my bed next to my husband and the nurse asking me how I felt. They gave me some pills (don't ask me what they were) and let me rest for a little bit. I had a heating pad on my belly also. I had made it. Once I was a bit more awake I asked the nurse: "how many?" she responded: "7". I was pleased. They also assured me that it was a good number.
They let us go after a couple of hours. I was on bed rest for the rest of the day. I had some cramping and discomfort, but the pain killers did work.

On Sunday afternoon they called me with the results. Out of the 7 eggs retrieved 5 had fertilized. Again, the doctor who called me said this was a good number, so I was happy. We have 5 "babies"!

Our embryo transfer is tomorrow. They have to call me to let me know the time and the exact place. All we can do now is keep on praying.

Trigger shot day!

Finally! tonight, at 12:45 I will be triggering. Everything at today's consult went well. I have now a total of 12 follicles of good size and my E2 levels are 2,639. The nurse said my cycle is looking pretty good :-) I hope this is it!! ER will be on Saturday at 10:45 am and she said, most likely I will have a 3 day transfer, but they won't know for sure until Sunday when they call me to tell me how many eggs fertilized.
I'm going to look at the videos to prepare the HCG shot again. Last time we watched them was when we went to our IVF class back on April, so we need to refresh our minds. The nurse already marked my butt with an "X" on both checks to show my husband the area he has to shoot for lol :D One more big injection for me, I hope it doesn't hurt so bad.
This is really it now, homestretch for us on our first IVF cycle. Please God, let this be or chance!

CD13

Hello there!

Yesterday's sono results showed 7 follicles, 3 on my right ovary and 4 on the left ovary. They are ranging between 17- 12mm and 13- 14 mm, so the nurse said I am not ready yet, as the average of the size of the follicles has to be at least 18 mm. I wasn't too happy with the results. Seven follicles seems so little :-( and they are not where they are supposed to be size wise. I have to admit I was upset to hear this... plus I am out of Ganirelix as of today, so I'm only on Gonal F at night time and that's it. The nurse assured me that it was ok not to have the Ganirelix, as this  medicine is to help the cycle be longer (better egg quality) but since I was "almost" there I could continue with the stims (Gonal F) and they could just do ER at 34 hours vs. 36 hours. I don't know. Something about me runing out of meddicine just doesn't seem right. But I have no choice. I have done everything I can and the outcome is on God's hands now. All I can do is keep praying for the best.

I have to go back tomorrow morning for bloods and ultrasound. I think they'll tell me to trigger tomorrow night which would mean a 7 am Saturday ER.

I will post the results tomorrow after the nurse calls me.

Wish me luck!!

more injections, more blood tests, more ultrasounds...

Hello!

Happy Monday!
Today is CD 11 and I have to go back for more blood work and sono tomorrow. I find it frustrating that I don't know the number of follicles I have or anything (yesterday the nurses were not at the office anymore when they called so they didn't have that information). On top of that I am running out of Ganirelix (morning shot), I only have one more day of medicine, and this medication is on a national back order... so I am trying to get the prescription override with my insurance company so that I can try to get if from another pharmacy. Not fun. The nurse says I may not need it. Depending on tomorrow's results I might get my trigger shot tomorrow evening. Let's pray that this is the case, otherwise I may not have medicine for Wednesday morning.

These past weekend I have felt a bit bloated and emotionally crazy. I know my husband thinks I have lost it. I go from yelling at him for stupid things, to completely sweet and nice. Even my dog looks at me in a funny way. Good grief. I am pretty bossy normally but this is absurd. I hope we are done soon so that my poor husband can have a break. I say a break becasue if I am like this now, I may drive him completely nuts when I am pregnant.

We are also trying to plan a trip to go visit my parents, but we don't know if we should go on September or October... or maybe not travel at all. We think we would either be pregnant first trimester or trying for IVF #2 (... I hope it'll be the first :-) ) so we don't know what's best. My mom is actually planning to come at the end of November, so maybe we can just wait and I could go back with her and my dad (who will be here for Christmas too) in January.

Anyway... I will let you all know how tomorrow goes. Thanks for reading!

day 7 bloods

I went to have a blood test this morning, to check my E2 levels. I just got a call back from the doctor's office letting me know that I should decrease the Gonal F dosage to 112.5 tonight (I was on 225). I asked the nurse if that was good or bad, she said it was good, but I don't know what to think. I'm afraid I am over stimulating my ovaries but they don't want to tell me... why wouldn't they? they are supposed to tell me, right? hmmm. Anyway, tomorrow morning I have to start with the Ganirelix (Antagon) and I have to go back to get blood work and ultra sound. Tomorrow afternoon I should know more about my progress. Fingers crossed everything is good!!!

I can see a light at the end of the tunnel

Hello everyone!

I am sorry for not writing... I have been busy at work and honestly don't know where time went.

Today is Wednesday... wow, already?!... oh boy... anyway, where was I? Oh yes, my Saturday baseline.
So Saturday came along, and the baseline sonogram was the most uncomfortable one I've had so far. It also took longer than expected. At the end of it, my husband and I went for a nice breakfast and then drove off to Cape Cod. We've never been there and had a really good time, especially after I got the call from the nurse at 1:00 pm saying that everything looked good and that I could start my Gonal F shots that evening. Apparently my cyst is still there but it got smaller, so I got the green light to start my shots. I was so happy!. I definitely could enjoy the rest of the day much better.

Saturday night when we got back I prepared everything: alcohol swabs: check, cleaning and disinfecting all surfaces: check,  washing my hands: check, getting the Gonal F pen out: check, preparing the needle: check, priming the pen (first time use): check, adjusting the correct dosage: check, rubbing belly with alcohol swab: check.... and then, all I had to do was poke myself.... the time had come, here I was, holding the pen in one hand and my belly roll in other... and then... I couldn't do it!. My husband wanted to help anyway so he was more than happy to do the honors.It wasn't that bad, but I couldn't even look!! Sunday night I had to be brave and learn how to do it myself. Once the morning shots start, my husband won't be able to help and he would be at work. So Sunday we went through the same preparation process and when the time came, I did it. I didn't even thought about it, I just went for it. I think my desire to be a mom is much grater than my fear or needles : ) I was proud of myself : )

Today is my last evening of Gonal F before going to get blood work tomorrow. I don't know what they have to check for, but then they'll let me know what to do next. I think they'll tell me either to continue what I'm doing, increase the dosage, decrease the dosage or add the morning shot (Ganirelix). I am praying day and night for my body to do what it's supposed to do. Please God, give me a baby (s) soon! please!

I'll try to do a better job at posting. Thanks a lot for reading my journey!

The waiting continues

Well, here I am. Friday July 6th. I went for my baseline sono yesterday morning and later on I got the nurse's call, telling me that I had to go back for another baseline once I get full flow AF (period). As of yesterday I was just spotting and I guess the doctor wants to re-check once I get my period. I asked if the cyst was gone. The nurse's response was: "well, it got smaller.... but it still there". I don't know what that means! Am I supposed to worry about that? would I need surgery? would I be able to start my IVF cycle this time? No answers. After I hanged up the phone I cried. I felt so frustrated with my own body. There is nothing I can do, there is no magic formula that will make my body react the way it's supposed to. I feel helpless. I send my husband a text message and told him what the doctor had said. He seems to have a much more positive attitude than me. He is sure everything will be fine, and he said not to worry. When he got home I was actually mad at him becasue he was not worried (crazy, huh?). We talked and he made me realize I don't have to worry before the second baseline. He knows that sooner or later, this will happen for us. I just want it to happen NOW, you know?
So today I got full flow period, so I called the doctor's office and scheduled my baseline for tomorrow morning.
All I can do right now is pray and have faith, just like my husband, that everything will be fine.

Yesterday was our 3rd wedding anniversary. We went to a Red Sox game : ). It was my first time going to Fenway Park. I loved it! it was perfect: the seats, the food, the atmosphere. Yes, it is not very romantic but it was a lot of fun to treat ourselves on this day. We actually celebrate twice a year: once in June (civil wedding) and once in January (church wedding). I was hoping we would have been celebrating differently this time around, as my egg retrieval would have been around this week. I hope and pray that next week's baseline shows no cyst anymore and we can move forward with IVF.
I have been kind of down lately and I think it's becasue I am nervous that something else is going to happen. I just want to have a healthy baby in my life. I never expected this journey to take so long. I know everything happens for a reason and at the right time. I just hope God listens to my prayers and wants the time for our baby to be with us to be soon.

the land of TTC

My husband and I have been TTC for what seems like an eternity. After our church wedding on January 2010, I stopped taking birth control pills (BCP) and I honestly thought I would get pregnant immediately. Weeks passed, months went by and I was wondering where my BFP was... I knew it would take me anywhere between 6 to 12 months before anything happened, since my periods are irregular and I could "feel" the remains of the pill still in my system, but I have to admit that secretly I was hoping for my BPF to show up at any time. So I gave it a 10 month period before we started "officially" TTC. Right before the 12 month mark, (end of 2010) I bought one of those Clear Blue Fertility Monitors and a couple of month supply of sticks. I was sure this was going to be my magic tool to get pregnant. One month, two months, three months... nothing. I had to soon re-order more sticks for my monitor. Four months, Five months. Nothing. I kept trying and trying, testing with the CBFM and every month testing to see if I was pregnant. Six months, seven months... nada. By August I had my annual OBGYN exam and I talked to my doctor about what was happening. She wanted to start tests right away. She ordered the normal: 2 day and 21 day blood test, HSG test and husband's sperm analysis. She also recommended me to start charting my basal temperature. Everything came back normal, except for my progesterone which was a bit low (8) and oh yes, my charts were showing a very long time before ovulation, so she suspected I wasn't ovulating normally or maybe, in some months, not ovulating at all. We started clomid, and after 4 failed rounds I was directed to a Fertility Specialist.
My FS is pretty nice and she seems to know what she's doing. She wanted us to try Clomid one more month (at a higher dosage) and see what happened. Well, that cycle was my miracle cycle, as I got my first BFP EVER. It lasted only a few days (chemical pregnancy). My HCG levels were too low and the nurse advised it wouldn't be a viable pregnancy. I was very sad becasue the pregnancy ended in a few days, but I was relieved by the fact that I was able to get pregnant, even if it was for such a short period of time.
Next, my doctor wants to do IVF. So here I am, waiting for a nasty cyst that showed up 2 weeks ago on my right ovary to go away. I have a baseline sono scheduled for next week (July 5th) and hopefully they will tell me I am go to start.